Today I figured I would write a more serious blog. Today there are more and more blended families out there and I wanted to touch on step parenting.
If this blog offends you in anyway, I am not sorry. These are my thoughts and I am always honest! I don’t want to be fake with anyone.
I have a blended family, I have a son from my previous marriage and my husband has a son from a previous family. There is an age difference between our boys, which makes it harder for the boys to bond. Also, what makes it harder is my husband went years without seeing his son because of his ex wife and finally last year, we finally got to start seeing him. He lives almost 3 hours away, so we only get to see him on breaks. Honestly, I knew co-parenting with his ex wasn’t going to be easy at all, but with my sons dad and step mom co-parenting is a piece of cake. We have went to softball games together, we have went out to dinner together, and we back each other up with parenting. They don’t feel the need to call if they are having a problem out of my son, they handle it and I trust them.
*~* The Struggle is Real*~*
The struggle is real when it comes to step parenting. My husband had to find away with my son when we got together. His parenting had to change and they had to learn to live with each other. It took us a while because out parenting was different. Today there are times where they still struggle, but my son will be a teenager this year, so it is also a struggle for me with my son. We have no one to interfere with our parenting, which how it should be.
With my husbands son, I feel like everyone has an opinion and we are made out to be the “bad” people. It’s either we need to change this, we are doing this wrong, we aren’t giving him enough time, we aren’t making him feel like part of the family, etc. My husbands ex at him on the phone, which doesn’t help at all. Last time my son was brought into it, which brought out my mama bear. Every child that comes up in our house (which is A LOT), is treated the same. Everyone has to follow the same rules and we spend quality time always as a family especially on the weekends. We feel like we are doing everything right, minus in some people’s eyes we aren’t. I feel like it would be easier on my husband, if he didn’t have people trying to interfere.
*~*What I am learning on the Way*~*
1. Don’t listen to anyone else
Co-parenting is hard, being a step parent is even harder. Don’t let people from outside tell you how it is going to be. Don’t listen to them when they try to give you their opinions…honestly…DON’T. If they are never in your house they don’t know, what is going on and how you parent.
2. Stand your Ground
A lot of people may disagree with this, but it is called respect. You cannot bend rules when you have a blended family. Especially if you have one child that lives with you and the other one doesn’t. The rules still have to be followed. You have to be fair. Again even if an outside source doesn’t agree, don’t listen. They don’t live in your house.
3. Always fit in family time
This is very important when having a blended family. Everyone has to bond because we are one big happy family. You do this by having quality family time. When you are trying to bond a blended family together, don’t worry about the family the lives outside of your house, that will come in time. Focus on everyone that is in your house.
4. Make sure all Children have their own space
Both of our kids have their own bedrooms. One issue we ran into is the age cap. So we had to make a rule that they cannot go in each others room without asking the other. Each child needs their own space and needs their own place to escape to. Yes, there might me one that doesn’t like it, but it is fair. That is why everyone has their own bedroom
5. Put your marriage first
Yes, I said it….put your marriage first. You and your spouse has to work together when blended a family together. My husband and I we have fought a lot over this. We need to focus on us and not get mad at one another, when we run into an issue. At one point I was ready to walk way because he just gives in to people that try to interfere and it shouldn’t be like that.
6. Make sure all Children are treated fairly
Yes, I am going to put this out here. When I said children treated fairly, I am stating not only in your house, but making sure both sides of y’alls family is treating both children fairly. This is one thing we are working on it our family. I am going to put it out here….My son does not get treated fairly when it comes to my husbands family. He doesn’t. My husbands mom or does his sister ever ask for my son to spend the night or come and spend time with them. His mom has even came over our house and ask for my husbands son, right in front of my son. My son knows and he gets hurt by it all. My husband is suppose to be talking to his mom about it. This is our biggest issue.
When you’re a step parent remember, it is a struggle. You have to be patient with you step children, but you don’t have to be patient with the people around you that tries to interfere. If you can’t co-parent, remember still respect the other parents in this situation. It is what is best for your child.
To the people that think they know it all and gives advice. Remember…sometimes your advice is welcomed, but if you don’t see how someone parents and you are not in their house watching how they handle a situation…Keep your nose out of other peoples business. I know not nice to say, but there is no nice way of saying it.
To ALL co-parents out there…if you are respecting your ex and their spouse and can co-parent without an issue…Thank God, you are going what is best for your child/children. You are putting your child/children first. To those co-parents who wants to be difficult, grow up and start putting your child first. Stop posting on facebook how bad your baby mama or daddy is and put your child first. Even though you may not like your ex, that is still your child’s parent and no matter how many times they do something wrong or do something you don’t agree with, your child still loves them unconditionally.
Thanks for reading,